Control the language, control those who have to use the language

Transcript from recent video

Narcissists often employ emotive arguments to manipulate and coerce others into complying with their desires or viewpoints. Especially when they don’t have fact, logic or reason to back up their positions. One of the ways they do this is by using emotionally charged language to appeal to other people’s emotions. They can create a sense of urgency to evoke strong feelings in their targets which can make it more difficult for them to think rationally or critically.

When they portray themselves as morally virtuous, by default, anyone who doesn’t see things their way are evil and spoken to accordingly with outrage and indignation. Now at a low level their targets might hear things like, “I’m shocked that you…” or, “I can't believe that you…” even questions like, “How could you be so heartless?"

There is also appealing to fear. They use fear-inducing language to manipulate others into acting in a certain way or making specific decisions. A typical example could be, “If you don’t do as I say you’ll end up alone and miserable. You’ll lose your job, others will think you’re evil.” Fear inducing language usually involves exaggerating potential consequences or threats to make their target feel anxious or vulnerable.

Another tactic is guilt tripping. They either play the victim, or by exaggerate the victimhood of others. They use guilt as a tool to manipulate by making others feel responsible for their emotional state or well-being, even when it's unwarranted. If they don’t get what they want their target might hear things like, “I guess I’m not worth anything to you, and after all I sacrificed for you”

Portraying themselves as victims garners sympathy and manipulates others into providing them with attention, support, or validation. What they really do is target their victims conscience as well as their fear of public opinion.

Which is why people often hear comments like, “iI your family knew what you were really like, or if your workplace knew the kind of person you really are.” More often than not what they’re really saying is, ‘If other people knew the version of you I’ve created in my head”,

So by leveraging emotive arguments, narcissistic people seek to exploit their target's vulnerabilities, manipulate their emotions, and coerce them into compliance.

Another tactic often employed is using conflated language. They blur the boundaries between concepts or ideas to manipulate other people’s perceptions or justify their actions. They may combine unrelated issues or distort facts to suit their narrative. An example would be how they raise past arguments with current disagreements, making it difficult for their partner to address specific issues or hold them accountable. Or draw attention to someone’s past error as evidence of them being wrong today.

Another tactic is to manipulate the use of language or meanings of words. For instance someone is not allowed to use the word ‘late’. If they arrange to be somewhere at seven but arrive at ten thirty they can’t be told they’re late. The word late is far too triggering because it reminds them of their late great great uncle’s cousin who died back in 190. So their target has to try to find a different word for them arriving late. To paraphrase author Philip D Dick, control the use of language, you control those who have to use the language.

Another way they use language to manipulate and control is by using jargon. For example using specialised language or terminology to appear knowledgeable and authoritative, even if they don’t actually know what the terms mean.  The jargon is aimed to either confuse or impress others, and if others don’t understand they claim they’re too stupid to engage with.

But they do the same when they just use gobbledygook. Commonly referred to as word salad. Personally I think think gobbledygook is a better term, let’s call it what it is. This is deliberately vague, ambiguous or nonsensical language to confuse or overwhelm their targets. They engage in non sensical, circular reasoning making it difficult for others to understand never mind challenge or question them. This could include words, phrases and slogans that don’t actually mean anything. They string together complex sentences filled with buzzwords and empty rhetoric, making it hard for their opponent to understand what’s being communicated never mind respond coherently.

Moving on, narcissists often use euphemistic language to soften the impact of their words or actions, downplay their mistakes, or avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour. An example could be if challenged about their poor choices they might respond with something like, “Mistakes were made”, which is not the same as, “I made mistakes”. Euphemisms are often used to avoid accountability and shift blame elsewhere without actually pointing the finger.

Next there are vague promises, or commitments to others. Implying things but leaving room for interpretation and avoiding concrete obligations. This allows them to maintain flexibility and evade accountability.

There can also be ambiguous criticism. This involves criticizing others using vague or ambiguous language, making it difficult for the target to address or refute the criticism effectively.

For instance saying, "You know what you did, everyone knows what you did." without specifying the behaviour or issue being criticized. Their target has to try to figure it out in their head and they refuse to give any further information.

But narcissistic people often use technical, ambiguous or non sensical language, or language with double meanings to confuse or mislead others, allowing them to shift interpretations depending on the context or their own agenda. It sows doubt in the minds of others, making it easier for them to manipulate perceptions and control the situation.

Lastly there is a lack of communication, in other words with holding information. When a narcissist withholds crucial details or context when communicating with others, it leaves room for ambiguity and allows them to control the narrative. Typically this involves telling people about someone else’s reactions to their behaviour, but no mention of the behaviour that caused the reaction.

Or withholding important information such as, the deadline for that is Friday, just to sabotage them. By withholding certain, sometimes important information, their target doesn’t have all the facts so are unable to make informed decisions. Quite often end up facing consequences they weren’t aware of.

So to summarize, narcissistic people have a need for control and domination over others. But if they were to be honest about their intent they probably wouldn’t get very far.

By leveraging linguistic ambiguity, non sensical gobbeldygook, technical jargon and emotive arguments narcissists gain and maintain control over narratives, other people and situations. By using various linguistic tactics they manipulate perceptions and behaviours to serve their own interests, and avoid facing consequences for their actions. By leveraging emotive arguments, they exploit their target's vulnerabilities, manipulate their emotions, and coerce them into compliance.

Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

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