How Dark Personality Types Use and Abuse the Rules to Control Others
Transcript from the video
With narcissism what we often see are a lot of double standards. Narcissistic people often interpret rules and concepts in ways that benefit them or that suit their agenda, even if their interpretation contradicts the intended purpose or the actual meaning. For instance, and we do seem to have quite a lot of educated narcissists, they know the language, they know the terms, they know the concepts. So if they were being overly disagreeable or being difficult, well they might claim they're just being assertive. All they're doing is managing their boundaries, and they could well be. However, those boundaries might be far too rigid and inflexible, their expectations unreasonable. Now if someone else is being assertive, managing their boundaries, well the narcissistic person might claim that they just don't care. They might claim that they lack empathy. They might accuse them of being the toxic one.
They can also selectively exploit and enforce rules to control or punish certain people while they exempt themselves and their own friends and allies. This is often referred to as selective rule enforcement. For instance, one person might be punished for a particular behaviour, but someone else, one of their friends or allies, they aren't, and they’ll usually have some kind of lame excuse for their leniency. This kind of behaviour is very common in narcissistic families. For instance, the golden child might be given a lot of slack, might get away with a lot of things, but the scapegoat is often punished for the same offence.
Selective enforcement creates an atmosphere of fear and uncertainty. It also creates division. It also highlights hypocrisy. They punish others while they turn a blind eye to their own transgressions. If you will, it's, “Do as I say, don't do as I do.”
Next there can be a lot of gaslighting and manipulating others into questioning their own perceptions and reality. They might claim that someone is just over-reacting or misinterpreting something, especially if they're being unkind and abusive. They try to undermine other people's credibility just to maintain control over the narrative, over the situation. When confronted with their own behaviours, they often deflect the blame, portray themselves as innocent victims. They might exaggerate or fabricate stories to garner sympathy and avoid facing consequences. However, they can pursue other people relentlessly with their vindictiveness.
Narcissistic people often exploit rules, procedures and systems that are in place. For instance in a workplace if they're caught misbehaving somehow, maybe just not doing their job or whatever, if they're being held to account they might claim that they are being harassed or bullied. They might even take time off for work related stress. They may even put in a grievance case against those who just want them to do their job.
Another common behaviour associated with narcissism is how they isolate their friends and partners from support networks or social circles. Now they might show rather than verbalise their disapproval of their partners friends or family. In workplaces or social settings they might manipulate group dynamics to turn the group against one specific person to ostracise them. In both cases though if they're challenged, as far as they're concerned they haven't actually done or said anything wrong. They didn't intimidate anyone. They didn't threaten anyone. They behave as if their hands are clean.
Next when they are in positions of responsibility and authority narcissistic people might create arbitrary rules or standards and enforce them rigidly just to maintain a sense of superiority and instil fear in those around them. With dark personality types here we would see a subtype of the sadistic element known as tyrannical sadism. They force compliance, set people up to fail just to punish them. They make rules up as they go along just to keep people in a state of hyper vigilance. They can deliberately withhold information so that when someone is doing something in ignorance they get punished for breaking rules they didn't even know existed.
They can also create overly complex bureaucratic procedures. These procedures serve to confuse and frustrate others. They also make it easier for them to maintain control and influence and make it difficult for other people to challenge them or unseat them. They create an inner circle with people who agree with them, collude with them, and support them. They withhold, hoard and selectively share information and resources. They do this to manipulate others and maintain a power imbalance within that group. They reward those who comply with their demands and support their agenda to foster a culture of favouritism and loyalty. So they reward compliance but they also punish dissent. They can exploit disciplinary procedures, performance evaluations. They can sanction and retaliate against perceived threats to their control, their superiority. It fosters ‘a them and us’ mentality. There's little cliques and groups, and they're often in competition with each other. But it's really just a strategy of divide and conquer.
Lastly, whenever they have some form of control, they confuse people by constantly changing the rules, shifting the goal posts. They change their demands, their requirements. They accuse others of incompetence, insubordination, being mean, being horrible, being abusive. This keeps people in a state of uncertainty and strain. They can feel constantly sabotaged and frustrated.
So to summarise, narcissistic people are adept at using rules and expectations to control, manipulate and maintain power by exploiting hierarchies, bureaucracy, rules, even simple concepts. They can suppress dissent, enforce compliance and advance their own interests, often at the expense of others. I often say by its very nature narcissism is destructive. They destroy relationships, families, workplaces, organisations, and they often do it from the inside in their attempts to just make things the way they want them. Now if they can't destroy from the inside, or if there are no longer able to destroy from the inside, they'll try and destroy it from the outside through their envy and jealousy.
When seeking power they will use the rules to frustrate, vilify and climb over those they see in their way. In their personal relationships they can be cruel and domineering, conditioning those around them to obey and comply. Their lack of empathy and sense of entitlement enables them to justify their actions and they disregard the impact on those around them. Going back to those double standards, if they're caught breaking the rules themselves, well it's because it's for the greater good. The rules don't apply to them. They are above the rules, they’re on a greater mission.
(An excellent example of using and abusing rules to dominate and disempower others would be Nurse Ratched as portrayed by Louise Fletcher in the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.)
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