Narcissism, Addiction or Both?

Transcript from Video

I’d like to begin by saying addiction isn’t exclusive to narcissistic people, it can happen to anyone. To the best of my knowledge no one decides to be an addict one day just to see what it would be like.

The World Heath Organisation estimates that around 15% of the global population struggles with some form of addiction. That’s over a billion people, and it’s not just substances like alcohol or drugs. Behavioural addictions like gaming, pornography, gambling, even shopping, are on the rise. This isn’t just because of how our brains are wired for instant gratification, but it’s also about accessibility. Smartphones have made it easy to access to addictive apps.

Many people struggling with addiction believe their biggest triggers are feeling anxious or stressed. Now they can be triggers yes, but I believe the biggest triggers are actually accessibility and opportunity. The opportunity to drink, watch pornography, gamble or whatever, and if the opportunity isn’t there a full blown addict will try to create the opportunity.

Also there’s a common misconception that addiction is a choice. It isn’t, addiction is recognized as a chronic disease which can be influenced by genetics, environment, and psychology. It’s different from substance misuse, which is a broad term. This could be for instance binge drinking at weekends. But the binging could be a one-off, something that just happens occasionally, or it can be a pattern, such as every Saturday night, but it doesn’t necessarily lock someone into the full grip of an addiction.

A 2020 study in, ‘Nature Reviews Science’ showed how addiction rewires neural pathways. It hijacks the reward system by flooding the brain with dopamine, making it difficult to break free despite knowing the harm it causes whether that’s to themselves or to others. So the brain’s hijacked focus can lead people to prioritise their fix, or their dopamine hit over their responsibilities, relationships, family or work.

But addiction is often about escaping pain, seeking pleasure, or trying to fill a void. It’s like trying to escape one feeling for another one. For instance I don’t want to feel bored I want to feel excited, I don’t want to feel weak I want to feel powerful and so on. I don’t want to feel pain I want to feel numb and so on So what we often see is a maladaptive coping mechanism for underlying pain, distress or trauma.

Now here’s the thing, In an interview I had with Dr Darren Haber, he stated, “Addiction doesn’t discriminate”. So the truth is anyone can become addicted regardless of where they’re from, their background, or what their life looks like on the surface.

Also, an addiction can bring out selfish behaviour, constant lying. They may even deny they have a problem, and this can look like narcissism because an addiction can have such a strong grip on someone it takes precedence over everything and everyone else in their lives.

But when it comes to narcissism, we’re not just talking about someone who can be selfish or arrogant at times. In its extreme form Narcissistic Personality Disorder is marked by grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a striking lack of empathy. Narcissists often see themselves as above everyone else, untouchable, even entitled to special treatment. Narcissism is quite complex but is often rooted in fragile self-esteem, a deep need for validation, and quite often an inability to connect with others on anything but a superficial level.

In 2018 a study in the journal ‘Personality and Individual Differences’ found a strong correlation between narcissistic vulnerability (feeling insecure despite the outward confidence) and addictive behaviours. Narcissistic people tend to live inauthentically, they deny their true selves, they deny reality. So an addiction might be a way to escape the insecurity underneath the bravado, fill an inner void, or to maintain their illusion of control and superiority.

It can also be a way to avoid facing their vulnerabilities, to numb their shame or their anxiety. So as an example, a narcissistic person has a need to feel in control and be admired, but in reality there’s a fear of being ordinary, not being special, looking weak, or failing at something. Alcohol or drugs might become a crutch, a way to feel invincible, to drown out self-doubt. Or maybe it’s sex or pornography, so they feel powerful, desirable. Or maybe it’s compulsive work, always chasing the next big win to prove their worth. So the addiction feeds the narcissism, and the narcissism fuels the addiction. It’s a vicious cycle. The addiction can even amplify their narcissistic tendencies, leading to further denial and isolation.

Where it can be difficult to separate narcissism and addiction can be how empathy can erode over time as the addiction takes it grip on someone. Now being said it doesn’t mean they don’t feel shame and regret over their addictive behaviours. They feel helpless. But with narcissism the lack of empathy is already there. They also feel entitled to do whatever they want.

With addiction there is a disconnection from others, commonly as a result of some kind of trauma, and an addiction leads to further disconnection. One of the things explored in therapy are ways to build connection with others. Narcissistic people however already find it difficult to form meaningful connection with others due to a fear of vulnerability.

An addict might exaggerate tales to excuse what they’re doing, to hide it or even lie to try to get money or resources to feed their addiction. A narcissist however might brag about how much alcohol they can consume, or how much money they spend because they deserve only the best. Or just deny doing anything that makes them look less than perfect.

Sometimes narcissistic people might play the helpless victim who are unable to help themselves until all these other external issues in their lives are resolved. For instance, “If it wasn’t for this…” or, “I need to get the root of..whatever it is before I can quit.” These other issues are generally known as sideshows. They’re aimed at taking the focus off their behaviour.

But for someone with strong narcissistic traits, admitting they need help can be especially hard. Their ego, their need for control, might make them deny the problem. Like all addicts, they might find better ways to hide the addiction, or indeed it may shift to something else. For instance, from drugs to alcohol, or from gambling to compulsive spending.

That being said, if a narcissistic person does overcome an addiction to say, alcohol, they can become very hyper self righteous and moralistic. They know the ‘cure’ for addiction because no one struggled as they did and they’re an amazing person today. So they may have stopped drinking or gambling or whatever, but the underlying problems are still there.

So to summarise, it isn’t always easy to discern the difference between addiction and narcissism. When it’s full-blown addiction, narcissists might lean on substances or certain behaviours to mask insecurities or amplify their sense of superiority. Studies hint that narcissists are at higher risk for addiction because drugs or alcohol can temporarily soothe the sting of criticism or failure they dread.

But while narcissists might be more prone to addiction, it’s not exclusive to them. Anyone can fall into the trap, especially if they’re dealing with trauma, stress, or isolation. Viktor Frankl said meaning is what keeps us going. When we lack meaning, we’re more likely to turn to addictions to fill the gap. So, whether someone is narcissistic or not, the root cause can be the same, a search for something to either numb the pain or boost the ego.

But to flip the script, an addiction can breed narcissistic-like behaviours. Someone deep in addiction might lie or exploit others to keep using, looking self-absorbed. Narcissistic people tend to live in denial, they might resist help, seeing it as weakness. Addicts might be too entrenched to see a way out. People who misuse substances might shrug it off as ‘not a big deal.’

But regardless of whether some is narcissistic or not, while addiction is universal, so is recovery. recovery is possible. Many people find help through therapy and support groups. But it involves people being honest with themselves. An addiction can cost you more than you ever thought you’d have to pay, and never gives back a fraction of what you though it would.

Now where there is a dual diagnosis it can be difficult to separate what can be the addiction from other underlying issues, but difficult is not the same as impossible. Recovery means addressing everything, not just the addiction.

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