Narcissism vs. Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

Transcript from video

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder can sometimes seem similar due to many overlapping behaviours such as being overly controlling, being overly critical and having high, sometimes unrealistic standards. In both cases they might micromanage others or just take over tasks completely. Both can leave their partners, and others feel unheard, invalidated and judged harshly which leads to conflict.

OCPD’s preoccupation to duty, procedure and extremely high standards can be mistaken NPD’s self aggrandisement, arrogance and sense of entitlement. But their core motivations differ significantly. Also, just to clarify, although they can be co-morbid, OCPD differs from OCD in the sense that there are personality traits like rigidity in thinking and approaches to things, but there’s not necessarily intrusive thoughts or compulsions.

So to begin with OCPD is part of the Cluster C group of personality disorders which is characterised by fearful or anxious behaviours. With OCPD we commonly see a drive for perfectionism, a pre occupation with details, order, procedures, but often at the cost of real productivity. Whereas narcissistic personality is part of the the Cluster B group of personality disorders and is characterised by dramatic, emotional or erratic behaviours. With NPD we see an inflated sense of self importance and superiority, a constant need for attention, admiration and validation. There’s also being highly competitive and low in agreeableness.

With both though we see rigid, high standards and perfectionism. So in both cases there might be criticism of others for not reaching their standards, and this can cause tension and strain in relationships, both personal and professional. But with OCPD the criticism is driven by an internal need for things to be done a certain way, a need for order and perfection. Narcissists can also demand high standards and perfection but this is due a belief they are special and entitled to only the best, and a have constant need to be admired.

Another difference with the criticism is that people with obsessive compulsive personality hold themselves to the same high standards they demand from others so can be highly critical of themselves. Whereas narcissistic people believe themselves to be superior and often have double standards, so their standards only apply to others, not themselves. That being said, narcissistic people can be critical of themselves however it’s usually because someone might not be seeing how great they are, and the criticism typically gets projected onto others.

Secondly in both cases we see a difficulty with accepting criticism and both can react badly to poor feedback. In both cases they can become defensive and try to justify their actions. For someone with OCPD criticism can threaten their need for structure and order and can they react defensively to protect that need. For instance they might claim their way is the most appropriate or logical way. With narcissism criticism can feel like an attack on their false and fragile sense of self and they can react with anger or dismissal to protect their image and retain a sense of superiority.

Next there’s being highly critical and judgmental of others. They can be critical of other people’s efforts or their choices. It’s either their way or the wrong way. With OCPD this is often based on rigid moral codes or practical standards. They believe their way is “correct.” For example they might lecture someone about doing something properly, or properly from their perspective, and they might genuinely think they’re helping even if it’s making someone else feel inferior. But narcissists often see others as inferior and, in many cases, want them to feel it as well. They tend to judge others to belittle them reinforce their sense of superiority. They might lecture someone only to elevate themselves and feed their own ego.

Moving on to number four, with both OCPD and NPD there is a need for control and in both cases they can dominate decision making and dismiss other people’s input or micromanage other people’s tasks. With OCPD the need for control tends to be rooted in anxiety around imperfection or chaos whereas with narcissism it’s about power, dominance, or trying to seek admiration.

Number five, there can be a strong focus on achievement. With OCPD there is a prioritising of tasks and efficiency, but this is often more about procedure and productivity, and is often at the expense emotional connection. That being said, the productivity can be compromised due to the need to do things to a certain standard and in a certain way. For instance they might keep interfering which can actually be more of a hinderance.

With NPD the focus is on achievements to gain admiration and to bolster their sense of superiority. In some cases they can blame others for their failings, or take credit for other people’s ideas and productivity. But in both cases both are neglecting other people’s emotions or even their needs, to just to focus on their goals.

Moving onto number six and that’s a response to failure. With OCPD failure can cause great anxiety and shame, and they can blame themselves. Failure can also prompt them to redouble their efforts, even if the project is not that big a deal, or a lost cause. With NPD, again we see shame. Failure threatens their ego, and quite often they react by blame shifting, denial, claims they were cheated or sabotaged somehow, or rage.

Number seven is empathy. People with OCPD may lack emotional attunement due to their focus on tasks, but they’re not intentionally cruel. They may care about others but that care often manifests in a practical sense. With NPD there is a lack of empathy and are often self centred, self focused, and prioritise their own wants and needs above others.

So if a partner is upset someone with OCPD may offer practical or logical solutions to fix the problem but often missing the emotional needs, where as someone with NPD could be dismissive, claim the partner is being dramatic, or in some cases, exploit the pain for their own gratification.

Lastly, in their personal relationships a partner with OCPD may create tension by enforcing rigid rules, criticizing imperfections, or prioritizing tasks over emotional connection and intimacy. Their partner may feel controlled or undervalued. But the rigidity in the thinking and the behaviours, again stems from anxiety around chaos and imperfection rather than than a desire to dominate. A narcissistic partner will undermine the partner’s self esteem through manipulation and belittling them to try to feel superior. A narcissist prioritises their own ego over everything and everyone else, even their partners.

So an example could be be someone cooking a meal and someone with OCPD taking over the cooking because they believe the partner isn’t doing it properly. Someone with NPD could not just criticise and judge the cooking of the meal but also personalise it about the type of person the partner is, just to appear superior. They’ll also point out to others publicly what the partner does wrong when cooking, just to undermine them.

So there are just eight ways OCPD and NPD can look alike however the motivations behind the behaviours are different. But while rare, someone could have co-morbid OCPD and NPD, which would blend perfectionism with grandiosity, which would intensify controlling and overly critical behaviours.

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