Online Trolling

Focusing on the reaction, not the action

When I was younger, I would never have described my dad as smart or intelligent. He wasn’t especially articulate or educated. At the time, like all teenagers I considered him to be a dinosaur who just didn’t get it and I frustrated the Hell out of him with my youthful arrogance and obstinance. But with hindsight I realise he had something I didn’t, wisdom and experience.

One little nugget of wisdom he gave me, which I wish I’d paid more attention to was, “If someone tries to pick a fight with you, it’s because they already know they can win. If they can’t beat you, their friends will help them. But even if you do beat them, they’ll play the victim and get you into trouble.”

He was so right. Over the years I’ve seen this tactic in relationships, work places, communities, organisations and institutes, and these days more and more frequently on social media.

I’ve said many times before what we see being played out today on a societal scale are the same tactics seen in abusive coercive relationships, and once you see it you can’t unsee it.

So what do I mean? One of the tactics abusive people use is known as ‘reactive abuse’. This works in the sense that the aggressor behaves any way they like, sometimes even to provoke. But once their target disagrees, questions or even asserts themselves the reaction is seen as the issue, not what provoked it. The aggressor is now the victim.

They have to explain themselves, apologise, and the aggressor starts provoking again, this time more confidently. This tactic can keep people in a state of fear and hypervigilance. Fear of doing or saying anything that could be misrepresented as them being the villain.

The same tactic is used by trolls on social media platforms. They ask uncomfortable loaded questions, commonly referred to as ‘gotcha’ questions and regardless of the answer, it’s seen as something to pounce on to further insult and abuse.

They make comments in order to provoke a reaction, and regardless of the reaction, no matter how reasonable you think you might be, it gets twisted and portrayed as hatred, wrong think, or whatever today’s ism or phobia is. The next thing you know their followers are piling on and adding to the attacks.

And just like in an abusive relationship where the abuser can bring something someone said a decade ago, the trolls will scroll and sift through years worth of social media posts, replies, pictures looking for anything they can use as evidence of their targets bad character, poor judgment or lack of morality.

What I can’t tell you is what to do, but if it helps I will share something I’ve learned the hard way over the years - You can’t reason with stupid. You can’t bargain or plead with toxicity, and you can’t love the malice out of some people. Some people just like to suck the joy out of other people’s lives, they bring misery. They feed off chaos, drama, conflict and frustration.

You can give an account of yourself if you want to, but you don’t have to explain yourself to people who have set out not to understand. You don’t have to apologise if you’ve nothing to apologise for. If you do, all you do is feed them and give them further ammunition.

How you deal with online harassment from trolls is up to you. Me? I just don’t engage. I leave them to it. I don’t answer insults, threats or nonsensical word salad. If they refuse to back down I always have the option of blocking them.

My final thoughts on trolls and social media pile-ons?

When toxicity, belligerence or stupidity begins to shine, the last thing you want to do is hide it under a bushel. Take a step back and let others see it in all it’s glory.