Signs of Dark Tetrad Traits

Transcript from video

Signs of dark personality can be subtle, some not so subtle. Even the most obvious signs might not always be that obvious at first, they can be very well hidden. That being said the following signs alone are not evidence that someone is on The Dark Tetrad. They would have to be occurring regularly alongside the characteristics, traits and behaviours of associated with the Dark Tetrad which includes psychopathy. Here we see callousness, a disregard for the well-being and rights of others, and having a lack of remorse.

There’s narcissism which is includes a sense of superiority, being highly entitled to special treatment and attention, needing constant validation and admiration and lacking empathy for others. There’s Machiavellianism which is being manipulative and duplicitous and lastly sadism which is enjoying inflicting pain and misery on others. The intensity of the different characteristics can vary from person to person but they would show a pattern.

So the first sign would be lying. Now lies aren’t always easy to spot at first, people with dark personality think of themselves as really good at deception, and indeed they often are. But you might spot contradictions in their stories, actions not meeting words. With Machiavellianism the lies could be more strategic, however we often see little white lies which, even if you spot them, you might shrug them off. We all tell little white lies from time to time. With narcissism we see lies about their popularity, their achievements, their status and so on. With psychopathy we often see lies for no reason at all.

One way of recognising lying could be them telling a story, but maybe it doesn’t go down well or meets with disapproval. So the same story might be told at a later date but with changes to make it seem more acceptable, or make them seem more sympathetic.

Following on from this, they might claim to be the most empathic person you’ve ever met. They are an empath. In fact they are so empathetic, others often take advantage of them. Every employer they’ve ever had has been bad to them, every partner they ever had was coercive and abusive. Their good nature always has them being exploited.

Signs the empathy is fake can be firstly their compassion lies where public opinion is. If most people care about a particular issue or person, so do they. But their empathy can shift depending on their audience. For example they aren’t upset or angered by other people’s bad or malicious behaviour unless their audience is.

Secondly they only ever point out other people’s negative feelings and reactions, but don’t acknowledge the reasons or context behind them.

Thirdly they claim they know what you’re feeling and why. And if you disagree, well maybe it’s because you’re in denial. They know you better than you do.

Fourthly they feel bad, but they don’t necessarily want to talk it through their problem. Rather, they want to rant, complain, and want others to feel bad too.

But unless they’re specifically seeking information they tend to be poor listeners when someone is sharing their problems with them. They might give a generalised superficial piece of advice, or interrupt to talk about what happened to them. Lastly, empathic people generally don’t go around telling everybody how empathic they are.

Moving on, the next sign is how they react to other people’s news. If someone receives good news, for instance they are getting married or just got a new job, they might seem indifferent. It means nothing to them. This would be an aspect of psychopathy.

With narcissism we would either see jealousy and envy. Someone else now has the spotlight, someone else is receiving positive attention. So they could be dismissive of other people’s success. For instance if they know of someone they see as having a higher status than them they could say they’re just a glorified messenger. Claim they got their status through unfair means, or make fun of how awful they are at their role. Here we would see a resentful side to them. Resentful of other people’s success or, sometimes even their happiness. In some cases though they might claim credit for other people’s good news. It was them who introduced the couple, or coached them in interview techniques or, pulled a few strings for them.

Now if someone has bad news, such as losing their job, being made redundant, again with psychopathy it means nothing so we would see indifference here as well.

With narcissism they might delight in the loss of someone else’s status, or the thought of them now worrying, being in a state of stress. They might, as previously mentioned demonstrate fake empathy. But their concern seems flat, superficial. With sadism they can seem excited hearing about the bad news, how it has affected the person and wanting to know more details of what happened.

People on the Dark Tetrad tend to have low emotional skills. Now depending on the person, with Machiavellianism they can be very good at reading people, it’s one of the things that makes them so good at manipulating. Those who are high in psychopathy have a low ability to describe their emotions or imagine themselves in someone else’s position. They tend to think more in terms of what they can get out of the situation, or the people around them.

With narcissism they filter everything through how this applies to me. ‘Do I look good right now? Am I being criticised? What’s being required of me at the moment?’ or, ‘What would the appropriate response be?’

Next, they have a dark sense of humour. Now yes we can all laugh at things which seem dark from time to time but here we see an aggressive style of humour which can involve sarcasm, ridicule and constant put downs. Here we see the sadistic side disguised as humour. They are pleased when things don’t work out for others. They enjoy other people’s misery. So what we generally don’t see is playful banter going back and forth but rather cruel humour aimed at humiliating. They’ll make fun of others but don’t like people laughing at them.

Another common sign of dark personality types, and often associated with narcissism are fantasies over things like power, success or money. They believe themselves to be more important than they really are. An example of this could be in the workplace. The company or organisation depends on them, the place would have to close if they left. Or how they treat staff in restaurants or shops as with contempt, as if they’re beneath them.

Now with Machiavellianism the fantasies are different in the sense that they can be more strategic, think more in the long term, work towards whatever their agenda is, and be fine staying in the shadows, being the power behind the throne as it were.

With psychopathy we see a parasitic lifestyle, so they might live beyond their means, such as going on expensive holidays, driving expensive cars but living off other people’s money and resources to fund their fantasies of affluence. But what you don’t see are aspirations to improve as a person, or to become better at something.

The next sign would be a history of broken relationships. People on the Dark Tetrad tend to use and abuse others so their relationships, friendships rarely last. As much as they can be manipulative they also tend to be highly disagreeable which isn’t consistent with things like friendliness, warmth, or even having tact. Now we all have people we’re just friendly with, or have dated someone and it wasn’t that serious, but for dark personality types relationships tend to superficial, lacking in depth and commitment. They can be friendly when there’s something they want or need, such as resources, social status or sex. Other than that they view people as things, objects, not as individuals.

So pay attention their other or past friendships, relationships or even jobs. It’s not that things just didn’t work out, they just drifted apart or had different life goals. In all of them they were treated badly or unfairly by horrible people. Here would see their claims of past mistreatment as an excuse for their bad behaviour. They have to know your every move because their last partner cheated. They have to interrogate you because their last partner lied to them and so on.

Moving onto the next sign, when it comes to their sense of superiority, people on the dark tetrad claim to know about things they know nothing about. They can use phrases, words they have picked up which sound intelligent or technical but might not know how to explain them in greater detail. If challenged, rather than admit they don’t know something or know the meaning of something, they tend to double down, use logical fallacies to confuse and distract. They’ll claim they’re using a phrase or a word in a different context, try to twist the context. If someone disagrees with them, points out their errors, or has an opinion they don’t like they might demand to know the persons credentials. Like they’d need to be a meteorologist to be able to comment on whether or not it’s raining.

Whatever credentials the person has though are not enough or respected. They are worthless, meaningless. The ten minute YouTube video they watched about keyhole surgery is of more value than the opinion of a practicing surgeon with twenty years experience. They know and can see things the experts can’t.

When it comes to failure, well none of us like failing at something, but they might claim they were cheated or conned somehow. There was a conspiracy against them by people who do hold some kind of grudge. Either that or it’s not that big a deal, they didn’t really try, they don’t really care, rather than just acknowledge their disappointment.

Lastly there’s vindictiveness. With narcissism we see a fragile sense of self and their ego is very easily wounded. When wounded they can lash out to, ‘even the score’, believing they have some kind of moral immunity. Again, with a lack of emotional insight they know they are hurting but don’t necessarily know why. They might not recognise something like disappointment but instead see it as being denied or betrayed and this brings up anger, which can manifest in what’s known as narcissistic rage. But their revenge tactics are often poorly thought out and impulsive as they seek instant gratification, a quick fix to their anger.

With psychopathy and sadism we can see intense and relentless cruelty way out of proportion to what happened. It’s not enough to speak their mind, or respond in a measured way. It’s not enough to just get even, the person who hurt them must be annihilated, and no punishment is severe enough. An acknowledgement or apology from someone is seen as an admission of guilt and again, this gives them a moral immunity to do whatever they want to punish. Anything they do to hurt is coming from a sense of victimhood.

With Machiavellianism we can see more restraint though, and can plot more strategically, take their time to get even.

But sometimes the vindictiveness doesn’t come because they feel they’ve been wronged somehow but rather they are expecting to be wronged. People with dark personality traits can be quite paranoid. They expect people to lie to them, cheat on them. They can feel jealousy without having reason to.

The curious thing is though, as much as they are probably more likely to cheat on a partner, if the partner cheats on them, as much as they take their revenge they don’t necessarily end the relationship. They use it to gain a sense of emotional control to double down on their domination. They want the partner to continually feel regret and shame.

So there are some signs of dark personality types so the question is how do they manage to gain and maintain control over others? Because what I’ve just outlined isn’t always glaringly obvious at first. They can be very beguiling. They’ve had a lifetime to learn how to use and manipulate people. They know to get to know people, learn about them, what they like, what they fear, what they want, and become or offer those very things.

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