When a Narcissist Blocks You
Transcript from video
Whether they’re romantic, professional, friendships or whatever, relationships with narcissistic people tend to be fractious, one sided, and generally don’t go well. In fact, more often than not they tend to end rather badly as well - and for many people ending their relationship with a narcissist involves cutting all contact with them, sometimes even if just for the sake of their own sanity.
But what happens when they cut contact with you? They block your phone number so you can’t call them or message them, block you on social media so you can’t see what they’re up to? Pretend they don’t know you if you see them out and about somewhere? They just ghost you, and there doesn’t seem to be a reason for it.
Well there can be different reasons for this, and the first one can be because maybe you weren’t giving them what they want. You weren’t feeding their ego. Narcissists like people to envy and admire them. They want others to validate their fantasies and collude with their delusions. So maybe you don’t. You’ve no interest in how much money they spent on something, or what famous people they know. You don’t want to be involved in their latest drama.
So if you’re not feeding their need for attention they might just ignore you, maybe just go elsewhere looking for a supply. If they go as far as to cut off contact, even block you on social media, it could be they don’t want to have to acknowledge someone isn’t paying them the attention they feel they deserve, or perhaps giving them the wrong kind of attention.
An example of this would be a guy I used to work with who posted a picture of his very flash and expensive car on social media and mentioned how lucky he was to have a car like this, and how he took great pride and care in cleaning it. I, thinking I was being funny, commented it is a nice car and he had indeed done a great job washing it, then asked if there was any chance he’d wash mine too? My comment was deleted, I was unfriended and then blocked. At work he largely ignored me. I guess I’m just a horrible person.
Another reason for them cutting contact could be due to their envy and jealousy. For instance ,you’re doing okay. Quite happy, maybe you got a new job or a promotion, or you’re getting married or something. So you could be a threat to their sense of superiority. This could trigger a narcissist’s competitive streak, but no matter what they do or say they can’t undermine or outdo you, and this can bring up resentment. If they choose to block you it could be to avoid having to know how well you’re doing. Seeing your happiness, your success, they might feel like something has been taken from them. So not knowing about it feels safer.
Next, a narcissist might feel their control over you is weakening and in order to maintain some kind of control they ghost, cut contact or block you or just ignore you. An example could be in the case of a friendship, maybe you make new friends or start dating someone and they fear losing your attention. Even if you include them, invite them along to social activities they are jealous and resentful – and nothing they do get you back into their sad little world works. So they block you on social media, then unblock you. Don’t answer your calls, or your messages, just leave you hanging for hours, days on end. Then get back to you about something else entirely when it suits them. When they unblock you it could be for different reasons. It just gives them a sense of control. Maybe they think you’ll realise you did something wrong and come to your senses, and be grateful they’re allowing you into their lives again. Or maybe they need something from you so, in which case they might hope you didn’t notice you were being ignored, or at least don’t mention it.
Moving on, it can be just to punish you. You did or said something that caused a blow to their ego so going no contact with you could be part of how they devalue you. They’re showing you that you did something wrong, or you’re of no value. They might be expecting you to be sitting alone somewhere rethinking your life, working out how to plead forgiveness or something. Don’t underestimate how important some narcissists think they are to you.
Another reason could be they have something to hide. They don’t want you to know what they’re up to. For instance, they have a new supply, or are looking for new supplies. Or maybe they have created a new fantasy that’ll get them attention and validation, something you know to be untrue. Or perhaps they try to create a narrative with others that you were so toxic they had to go no contact with you.
Lastly, the reason why a narcissist might just cut all contact with you is because they’re done with you. You are of no further use to them. You don’t go along with their fantasies, you don’t validate them anymore. Maybe they got what they needed from you, they got introduced to someone through you. Or they mined whatever useful knowledge and information they wanted, and you’ve nothing left. Maybe they have just drained you of your time, energy and resources and you have nothing of value left for them. They got what they wanted and like a parasite are now looking for a new host.
Perhaps you don’t explain yourself or apologise for having other interests and other priorities in your life. Maybe you’re using the Grey Rock method so they’re getting measured responses rather than reactions. That being said, on social media they might unblock you from time to time just to see what you’re up to, or to make sure you can see what they’re up to. They might hope to induce some kind of jealousy in you. Or maybe if they lose their new supply, if there’s anything else they might get from you, they’ll be back. In cases like this, as I said earlier, you might find they’ll act like nothing happened, and act like you don’t notice.
Watch the video here: